Happy Birthday Dad

Today is my dad’s birthday.

We are also days away from hitting the 6-month mark without him here and every day is still a struggle. I wish I could tell you that over time, grief gets easier, I wish I could report that the pain and memories fade as the days go on and I wish I was able to ultimately say that yes, it’s 6 months later and we are all in a better place…but I cannot.

What I can tell you is that every day is different. We wake up and don’t know what is in store for us. We don’t know if today, our grief is going to manifest as happy memories or funny jokes that get told. It could hit us at a moment when we are not expecting it to or ready for at all. We could be mid conversation with someone and a thought is triggered and all you can think about is not bursting into tears right at that moment. We could spend the day talking to dad about what we’re going through and feeling and it completely comforting us to sit and be with him in our minds and hearts. It can also lead to extreme depression, manic episodes and very stupid decisions that we have to come back from and recognize this is all normal to feel.

There has not been a day in the last 6 months that I have been prepared for. There probably won’t ever be a day where I feel 100% confident of my emotions ever again and that’s an adjustment I’m learning to make. I’m not going to go into detail or recount all the sad and painful days that have come and gone, I want this post to be one that I can look back on and really appreciate my dad for who he was.

My dad loved his birthday. He loved it because nothing fancy ever happened for at least that one day and it was great. There is almost always a baseball game or a playoff basketball game to watch, it’s the summertime which was his favorite because it’s nice and hot and he could BBQ all his favorite foods. My birthday is in 3 days on June 5^th and we used to have a joint birthday dinner where he would cook his favorite foods and I would get to pick my favorites and we’d put them together for 1 big meal for our family. This year we are trying to honor him as much as we possibly can during his birthday week. My uncle is in town and we are still having that big BBQ dinner for him. We are cooking up things he (and I) loved and we will sit outside and enjoy the summer air while eating together as a family. We are going to the Dodger game tonight and I know there is LITERALLY nowhere else my dad would have wanted to celebrate his day. Now, guaranteeing they win will be a bit harder to pull off but I have faith they can do it for him. (and if not its totally ok too)

Because we are trying to make sure we do all things my dad would love this week…I wanted to make a list of all the places or activities my dad would NOT want to do or go to on his birthday. This is all in fun and my siblings and friends helped me think of all the places my dad hated the most or just would never be seen at. He was a man who knew exactly what he liked and that never changed. So here you go…enjoy!

TOP 5 WAYS MY DAD WOULD NEVER WANT TO CELEBRATE HIS BIRTHDAY

• At an Angel game where they were not playing the Dodgers.

What would even be the point of this? He’d probably just try to watch the Dodger game on his phone or wish we wouldn’t have spent the money to be at the game when we could watch from home…even though Angel Stadium is significantly closer to where we live.

• Lazy Dog Restaurant

I used to work at Lazy Dog. I loved it. My family came to the soft opening of the store, I would bring food home for us regularly, and they would come in all the time. The day I quit my job and stopped getting the employee discount, my dad told me he never actually liked the place because it was too expensive. Not because the food was bad or the service was bad. He just never needed to go back because now he had to pay full price. I think it’s hilarious that he refused to go back that adamantly even though the rest of us continue to go to this day because it’s one of our favorite restaurants.

• Golfing or going to the driving range…but only with me

Look, I’m not big on golf. Years ago, when my dad and brothers were getting into it I asked if I could come to the range with them to hit some balls. Dad said yes and off we went. I was not very good. I was so bad in fact that my dad got mad at me. I wasn’t taking it seriously, I wouldn’t take his direction on how to get better and I was embarrassing him. He told me that day he would never ever golf with me again. He stuck to his word and never offered to take me near a golf situation of any kind for years. Now, in that time I practiced a few times at TopGolf and would send him videos of my swing for him to critique which he would…still never allowed me to go with him again though.

• Sunday Morning Brunch

This one is simple. Skipping church to eat expensive breakfast/lunch food and drink alcohol would NEVER be an option. That’s it. Church would never be prioritized by a birthday brunch.

• And finally, I’m lumping together all bars, breweries & restaurants over a “$$” rating on Yelp.

Spending money you don’t need to and drinking alcohol were two of his least favorite hobbies….so spending money on alcohol was never going to be an option.

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I hope this brings some joy into your day. I hope you can get a glimpse into who this man was that we love so dearly and how the quirks he possessed made it even more fun to have him around. We miss him every second of every day and today especially, but I hope we continue the tradition of honoring him with our behavior and our lives as we navigate this world without him.