From the outside, my job seemed perfect.
I worked as an agent at a modeling agency in Los Angeles. The very place I had dreamt of being my whole life. I always had a fascination with LA because it’s magical. I had always wanted to work with beautiful people and go to fancy parties and honestly…that’s what I did.
I worked with beautiful models every day and I got to go to really awesome parties. A lot of awesome parties.
My job was great for a while, I was single and it was my only priority. I could devote everything to doing my best and making the company the best it could be. I worked 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I worked on holidays, family vacations, my friend’s wedding days and no dinner was complete without my phone being glued to me always. I didn’t know any other way.
We did well and the company grew bigger and better every year. I was so proud of all that we did and the way we did it. I booked insane jobs with giant companies that I could only dream about working with. I would see my models in magazines and commercials, and knew that I had helped them. It almost felt as though I was in the ads myself I was so excited. It was the most gratifying feeling and it made all the long hours completely worth it. I loved showing off my work. I would go shopping just to see my models in stores and I would drive certain routes to see billboards with them on it and take pictures of every single one. Once J and I got back together I would pull him into stores and gush constantly about every detail of the jobs. He had no idea what I was talking about most of the time but it was the most rewarding part of my job.
We were a very small company. At one point, it was just my boss and I in a tiny little office on the beach in Santa Monica. Over time we added a few people to help out and I built relationships with all of them. I bonded instantly with an agent we brought on a couple years in. (who we will call Ginny) She and I became friends so fast. She understood the anxiety and insanity of our job and being work wives helped us cope and get through the days. We became friends outside of work and our friendship grew as we supported each other and cheered each other on. My boss ended up hiring another employee who I had actually replaced when I was hired. So, it was a very weird full circle moment. We will call her Louise. Louise and I never clicked. I don’t always make the best first impressions but I promise I tried with her. Some people have personalities that don’t mesh and that’s what this was. She loved to talk and be heard…all the time. I like to be quiet and to myself. She felt the need to have her personal life interfere with her professional life. Our office knew about every medical condition she dealt with, every relationship problem she had, every family issue she was dealing with. Some of our models even knew and I think even some potential models were made aware as well. I don’t consider that behavior to be the proper way to present yourself in a professional setting but everyone has different ways of living life. Not only did we not mesh personally, but I believe she was intimidated by my position in the company. (This is an assumption. I know it’s not a fact but I never got a straight answer for what caused her behavior towards me so all I can do is assume) I took over when she left the company for something bigger and better (her words) and I did a great job. I was my boss’ right hand person. I did everything in the company. I booked jobs, I worked with photographers, scouted new models, and did all the administrative work we needed as well. I handled every aspect of how the company functioned and when she came back, she had no role. She demanded to have a title when no one in the company at the time had titles. She abused the title immediately. She fed lies to my boss and threatened my job within 4 months of being back at the company. My numbers were doubling at the time and hers were at a standstill. She talked her way into implementing several loopholes into how we did our jobs that (long story short) would result in me doing 99% of the work booking a model on a job, she would do 1% and she would receive 50% of the commission from that job. Once she started to essentially steal money from me I knew there was never going to be a positive to us working at the same company. It was not going to work.
Now, I could go on for a very long time about all the minute and constant things Louise did to me personally to make my life a living hell while we worked together, but after reflecting and writing it all out many times, I realized that it won’t change anything by putting that all out there. I’m sure it would feel great to complain and have people be astounded by the things she did to me, the sympathy would be welcomed, but I need to stick to the basics. It was a really awful time in my life and because of my need for people to do the right thing, the fact that this girl never did the right thing, became an unhealthy obsession for me. I only talked about her, I complained every minute of the day. I drove myself into a depression and constant panic attacks. I was miserable to be around because my mind was only focused on beating her at her own game.
My relationship suffered, my body suffered and my mental state suffered because I couldn’t correctly deal with a toxic situation. Understanding that negatives in your life that you cannot change or control need to be managed in a healthy way is something I took way too long to figure out. It took losing my boyfriend and physically being unable to get in my car in the morning because of the emotional and physical pain I felt every day to finally turn my life around.
So…I stopped caring as much. It sounds so simple and easy but that’s what it was. Louise and I were never going to be friends and we were never going to work together the way I would have liked, but we still had to work together. Letting go of all the tension and hostility (on my end anyway) was the best thing I could have done. I had been looking for other jobs of course but I loved what I did and resented her for me wanting to leave a career I had worked so hard for. Ultimately, it was Ginny who got things done. She was very aware of what was going on in our company because she dealt with it as well. If I was getting 99% of Louise’s awfulness, Ginny got about 60-70%. We made a pact to get out and she got a job offer first. When she told our boss that she was leaving (and why she was leaving) his eyes were finally opened. He heard us and saw where we were coming from. He apologized to us both for what we had gone through and the decision was made to fire her.
